6 Techniques To Sound Confident In Any Situation

“Nearly everyone I coach in communication – executives, actors, students, journalists – tells me they want to feel more confident. This usually means that they don’t feel fully themselves when they communicate – or not the best version of themselves,” says Emily Berrington, whose acting credits include West End plays, movies and award-winning TV shows. “I wasn’t a naturally confident communicator before I trained as an actor. But, at Guildhall School of Music and Drama, I learned techniques that help me feel self-assured in situations that can be intimidating – from audition rooms to live television and speaking to large audiences. Expressing yourself exactly as you want to feels fantastic, and it’s neither an innate trait or a mythical art – everyone can develop ways that work for them.”

“When we’re under pressure, we tend to focus on ourselves. Instead of concentrating on the person we’re speaking to or the message we want to get across, we think, ‘How do I sound? Have they noticed my shaky hands? Am I boring them?’ Remind yourself of your intentions. Is it to help them understand an idea you have? To introduce yourself? Is it to share an experience? The most relaxed communicators concentrate their energy on their intention and their audience, which also alleviates feelings of self-consciousness.”

“Rather than feeling like you need to pretend, own the nerves and have a few techniques up your sleeve to help you cope with them. The ‘faking it’ method just leads you further away from sounding like yourself. An audience – whether an individual or a crowd – is often alert to being deceived and it puts them on edge. You can help them feel comfortable by giving signals that even though you’re nervous, it’s ok. For example, if I’m attending an event on my own – be it an awards ceremony or a birthday party – and I feel a bit on the outside of things, I put my phone away so I can’t hide by looking at it, walk up to someone and say (with a smile), ‘I don’t know anyone else here and I’m trying to be brave by talking to people. Do you mind if I talk to you?’ It means having to summon the courage, but I’ve had some of the most interesting conversations out of it.”

“You don’t need a particular stance or to have a certain type of voice or style of delivery. So much of that approach to communicating is non-inclusive and denies people of what makes them interesting: their character. This is also about us all being better at listening and understanding. We need to open ourselves to hearing voices, rhythms and intonations that might not traditionally have been associated with ‘good’ speaking. People have hugely valuable things to say that get missed because they aren’t delivered in a way that society is used to tuning in to.”

“People prefer to hear someone talk in a human way, rather being concerned with a flawless, mistake-free delivery. If you’re listening to a wedding speech and the speaker gets through it word for word, exactly as practiced, that doesn’t necessarily mean the audience will connect to it. If a public figure is being interviewed and we can see how hard they’re having to work to deliver a message in words that aren’t their own, the audience is unlikely to trust what they are saying. Let go of striving for perfection, feel free to listen, respond to the room, make mistakes along the way, and develop resilience and coping strategies for when things don’t go to plan. An audience won’t remember the slip-ups; they’ll remember how they felt listening to you.”

A very simple breathing exercise to do just before speaking: imagine you have a straw in your mouth and breathe out slowly through it. Keep going until you think you’ve used all the breath in your lungs, then try to breathe out a little bit more. Then allow your breath to naturally flood back into your lungs as you inhale. Repeat a few times and you should find that you feel calmer, more focused, and with better breath support, ready to speak.”

“A brilliant teacher and coach, Ken Rea, talks about keeping a ‘twinkle in your eye’. There are ways to capture the most charismatic and connected – but still authentic – version of yourself (for example, imagine the you that passionately describes the plot of a favorite film to your closest friend). Before an occasion when you want to communicate with confidence, spend a few minutes thinking about – or even better, write down – two or three parts of your life where you feel like your best self. For example, ‘I’m a really loving parent’, ‘I’ve supported my friends through hard times’, even ‘I’m brilliant at cryptic crosswords’! Once you’ve thought of them, continue with the task at hand. There’s no magic to it, but by connecting to the parts of yourself that you value and feel confident in, you’ll naturally convey that energy and spark to your audience.”

Follow Emily on Instagram @emily_berrington_