4 WAYS TO BEAT YOUR INNER CRITIC

It’s usually in the middle of the night when the thoughts and worries we have avoided during the day rise to the surface. The next thing you know, it’s the morning and you’re exhausted. Your inner critic is hard to ignore and can quickly become overwhelming.

While much of the advice available focuses on how to silence our inner critic, experts now say the secret to success is actually in changing its tone of voice. “Ironically, this self-criticism is a form of self-defense,” says Dr Kristin Neff, co-author of The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook. “Our female ancestors needed to be critical of everything around them in order to keep their babies safe.” Generations on, that instinct remains but the dangers we face have developed from predatory animals to nagging internal worries, like work commitments and family disagreements. This kind of perpetual internal negativity can have real physiological consequences, including poor immunity and, according to Dr Leah Weiss, a professor at Stanford, “anxiety, depression and rumination”.

“Constructive criticism helps us to evolve,” says Dr Neff. “But we must switch from negative self-criticism to self-compassion, and direct our kindness for others towards our self. You need to learn to work with your inner critic.” Here’s how…

“We recognize touch as care, so when you’re struggling with negative thoughts, simply laying your hand onto bare skin over your chest helps ground you,” says Dr Neff. It’s remarkable how quickly this calms emotionally fraught moments, and there is something very grounding about pausing for a minute and feeling your own heartbeat.

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Instead of writing a gratitude journal, Dr Neff recommends writing letters to yourself. “A study found that when done every day for a week, it reduces depression for three months and increases happiness for six,” she says. The content of your letter is almost irrelevant, but a positive intent and caring tone are essential.

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Irrational thoughts tend to take root in the night, but “ignoring them won’t make them go away,” says Dr Weiss. “It’s healthier to face them head on.” While initially difficult, putting together a plan of action to resolve your worries lessens their often-irrational power over you.

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Remember, you get to choose the people in your life, so be around those who support you. Keep your social circle limited to people who lift you up and make you feel good, who you know love and care for you. Then, when self-doubt sets in, if you can’t be with them, imagine the positive things they would say to you.

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