4 Creatives On How Motherhood Has Changed Them
Ahead of Mother’s Day in many countries, we ask four creatives how motherhood has changed the way they see themselves, their sense of style and how they show up in the world. As told to ROXY KAVOUSI-WALKER
There’s a word that captures the all-encompassing transformation a woman undergoes when she becomes a mother: matrescence. Coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael in 1973, it describes the physical, emotional and psychological shift that parallels adolescence in its depth and disruption. It’s a metamorphosis that can touch everything from how mothers see themselves to how they show up in the world. Here, four creative women share the ways in which they feel they – and their lives – have changed with the arrival of their children.
Matilda Goad, designer and founder of MG&Co.
On identity “Motherhood has helped me get to know myself better than ever – since I’m now in charge of looking after two precious beings, I’ve had to grow up myself and, along with that, [adopt] a quiet repositioning of priorities. Before, I was all momentum and ideas, constantly chasing the next thing. Since having my children, there’s a stronger sense of stillness in me. I’m much more rooted now – not just in a physical sense, but emotionally. My perspective has widened; things that might have once felt huge suddenly feel small – and the small moments as a family are cherished.”
“Before, I was all momentum and ideas, constantly chasing the next thing. Since having my children, there’s a stronger sense of stillness in me
”Matilda Goad
On work “As someone who works in a creative field as a designer and founder, lines are very blurred; creativity and ideas don’t just come within ‘working hours’. I have always found inspiration from life around me and often from the most unexpected places – so, to some extent, I feel constantly ‘on’. That said, my time in the studio with my team is much more focused and decisive; I’m less precious and have learnt to delegate more. I’m better at preserving my energy and saying no.”
On style “It’s evolved. I’m much clearer on my personal style now – and, with that, more decisive. On a practical level, I’ve become tuned in to how my body is post-pregnancies. I recently took a load of trousers to the tailor to have them properly fitted to my body shape and it felt like I gained a new wardrobe. I tend to lean on basics – I love high-rise, straight-leg jeans, pointelle T-shirts and color-block cardigans; but like to dial them up with fabulous coats, jackets, handbags, sunglasses and jewelry. I’m also ruthless about letting go of pieces that don’t serve me anymore.”
“I miss spontaneity and being able to have time to myself whenever I want it. But the joy, learning and pride that my boys have given me are truly the greatest gifts
”Alice Casely-Hayford
Alice Casely-Hayford, content director at NET-A-PORTER and MR PORTER
On identity “Motherhood has changed me irrevocably. It is the greatest thing I’ve ever done, but that doesn’t mean I don’t mourn the person that I was for 32 years before I had my kids. Some days I miss my body. Almost four years on from having my first, I often don’t recognize myself in the mirror. I’m in awe of what my body has done to create life twice, but that doesn’t mean I have to love the saggy belly that I now have, no matter how much planking I attempt to do!
“I miss spontaneity and being able to have time to myself whenever I want it. But the joy, learning and pride that my boys have given me are truly the greatest gifts – and I wouldn’t change a thing. They have taught me new levels of patience, resilience, curiosity, the deepest love, and how to be silly and see the world in new ways.”
On work “I love my job. I love being creative and being inspired by my team and external collaborators. My career is a huge part of me, and I am incredibly fulfilled by what I do. My boys have taught me to create stricter boundaries between work and life; to use my time at work more wisely and productively so I can leave promptly and rarely miss bath time. The times I often used to work at weekends or late in the evening are now dedicated to my babies, my husband, myself and my friends.”
On style “I have to get ready a lot quicker than I used to pre-children, so, these days, my style is more about convenience and comfort. But I do still make sure to find occasions when I can experiment and be playful and really enjoy fashion. Style, for me, is still so much about self-expression, confidence and power – and I will never tire of the joy of dressing up.”
Susie Lau, fashion journalist
On identity “I feel like it’s a teetering balance between the desire to retain and remember who you were before you became a parent and then allowing those natural positive changes to happen. Having my children has taught me to be less selfish and has pushed me to become a caregiver in my own way (which I wouldn’t say I was before having kids!). It’s also just vastly altered my perspective of work, life and how I want to spend my time.
“In essence, being a parent has probably dulled my most annoying traits: impatience, pointless perfectionism, wanting to do everything all at once. You learn how to let go of the small stuff and be kinder to yourself because, invariably, things don’t go the way you planned when you have small children.”
“I’m less concerned about wanting to cover up like I did in my twenties… Once you’ve breastfed on the tube or in airports and restaurants, you care less about what people think of your body
”Susie Lau
On work “I’d say work has probably become more vital because it is so wrapped up in my identity, given that I started working in fashion by self-publishing and freelancing. But at the same time, I also know when to step back so I can prioritize my kids. I’m lucky enough to be able to have a job that is flexible in that way.”
On style “At times it’s a push and pull between wanting to fiercely maintain my pre-parenthood style but then also leaning into dressing like a complete slob. I’ve cultivated a school pick-up and drop-off uniform of slub tees, emo baggy trousers and mad sneakers (Asics x Cecilie Bahnsen, or Simone Rocha x Crocs if I’m feeling very extra). I’m also less concerned about wanting to cover up like I did in my twenties, when I would wear elaborate layers and purposely complicate ensembles. Once you’ve breastfed on the tube or in airports and restaurants, you care less about what people think of your body.”
“I found being tied to the domestic claustrophobic – and the feeling that my time and body were no longer in my control quite difficult to adjust to
”Caroline Walker
Caroline Walker, artist
On identity “I was 37 when my eldest, Daphne, was born, with a very established sense of identity – much of which was based around my professional life as an artist. In the early days, I found being tied to the domestic claustrophobic – and the feeling that my time and body were no longer in my control quite difficult to adjust to. I can see now that the way I’ve processed this shift is through my work, making the paid and unpaid work associated with early motherhood the subject of my paintings.”
On work “When Daphne was born, I was plunged into life with a newborn at home, surrounded by all the paraphernalia of modern motherhood, such as breast pumps, sterilizers and nipple shields – all set against a backdrop of laundry and discarded glasses of water. This domestic landscape was very different to my life pre-children – and it was hard work. My work has always been about women, specifically on women’s working lives and the often undervalued or overlooked roles they perform in the labor market or at home. Motherhood got me thinking about women’s work in relation to the bearing and rearing of children – and started me off on a sequence of different bodies of work, which has included a residency in a hospital maternity ward, time spent in nurseries and reflections on family life.”
On style “I now have two very distinct wardrobes: one that consists mainly of sweaters and leggings, which can be readily covered in snot, food and paint; and the other that’s for wearing when I’m without the kids. These days, I find that I care much more about having really nice things for those occasions that are child-free. And I like to keep certain items as special – maybe because they’re now often associated with my professional persona – and they make me feel ready for it.”
Caroline Walker’s latest UK solo exhibition, Mothering, is at The Hepworth Wakefield, West Yorkshire, from May 17 to October 27, with a forthcoming monograph of the same name published by Lund Humphries in September