How to practice fighting fear, according to ‘professional troublemaker’ Luvvie Ajayi Jones
Bestselling author, podcaster and TED speaker LUVVIE AJAYI JONES is an advocate for living as bold, honest and audacious a life as possible. In her new book, Professional Troublemaker: The Fear-Fighter Manual, she reflects on everything she has learned about moving forward in spite of the things we fear – and the power of ‘professional troublemaking’. From putting disruption-making potential into practice to flexing the truth-telling muscle, she shares an insight into taking the first steps. As told to KATIE BERRINGTON
On how and why we should redefine ‘troublemaking’
“Professional troublemakers are the people who want to disrupt what’s happening in the room because they know the greater good will benefit from it. They are people who ask questions, who will challenge the systems and ideas. When we think about ‘making trouble’, it often has negative connotations, but it means you’re the person daring to challenge something. It’s not about being a contrarian, it’s not about hearing your own voice. I think it comes from a deep sense of responsibility, to be somebody who is constantly trying to figure out how they can better the things around them. It gets such a bad rep – everyone’s afraid of being a troublemaker – but we need troublemakers. The world we live in exists because of troublemakers. Think about flying: if somebody had come up with that hundreds of years ago, they would have been called crazy. To be a professional troublemaker is to think of a world that doesn’t currently exist, in ways that some people might think you’re crazy. But everything around us exists because somebody thought it was possible.”
On three questions to ask yourself
“One of the things I found most helpful, especially in a time when you want to say something that feels tough, is to ask myself three questions and, whenever the answer is yes to all three, I say it and let the chips fall.
1. Do I mean it? It can’t be that I’m saying this because I want to hear my voice – it’s that I actually believe in what I’m saying.
2. Can I defend it? If I’m challenged on it, or I’m asked to back it up, can I do it?
3. Can I say it thoughtfully?
“If it’s a yes to all three, I say it. It helps me to make sure I am not just being impulsive, to make sure that I am coming from the right space and intention, and to make sure I’m doing the risk mitigation so that it comes across as well as I can say it. It’s not a guarantee that people will receive it well, but you’ve done your part, you’ve done your job.”
On finding your form of disruption
“Making trouble looks different [for everyone]. Your form won’t necessarily be my form, but I think what’s important is that we always honor ourselves and also honor other people’s humanity. For example, if something is being said in a room about somebody and you know it’s not true, you honor yourself by making sure you are elevating the room – and you honor the other person by making sure you are speaking up for them.
“It’s all about practicing thoughtful disruption or thoughtful truth-telling. Because we don’t have the practice from small moments, in the big moments we don’t have the muscle – we have not built it up yet. So even in the small moments, when we are being called to do something difficult, we should do that thing if we’re so compelled to.”
“We spend a lot of time being afraid of so many things; we’re afraid of speaking up, of having a tough conversation – we’re afraid of dreaming too big
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On her experience of writing her book during the pandemic
“That was a personal challenge, an emotional challenge, a professional challenge – in this unsure time, having to hyperproduce. But I thought about the Toni Morrison quote – ‘This is precisely the time when artists go to work’ – and that’s what I was convinced to do.
“This book is especially apt [now], because writing about fighting fear when the world is scarier than ever made me feel even more compelled to write it. At first, I procrastinated, and then the words poured out. I think Covid has given clarity on what’s important, and what’s important to us in how we move through the world, in how we operate day to day, in what makes sense. I think it’s what made this idea of fear feel even more urgent. We spend a lot of time being afraid of so many things; we’re afraid of speaking up, of having a tough conversation – we’re afraid of dreaming too big. And so, I thought, [now] we have something to be afraid of: we’re in the middle of a pandemic – that is fear-worthy. But we use that same type of fear to stop us from doing what we’re supposed to do every day.”
On a time she spoke up for herself
“I was asked to speak at a conference in Europe [and] pay my way there, although they were paying white men to come to speak and they were paying white women to travel. But for Black women coming to speak, we were asked to pay our own money to get there.
“I was like, ‘I would love to speak up about this, but I could face financial consequences [and] other conferences might then not even invite me to begin with.’ But I had to have that moment with myself, in terms of who I am in public must also be who I am in private. I have to recognize that, as a speaker who commands a large fee, who’s been on some amazing stages, who has 10 years of experience, I was uniquely positioned to be the one to speak up about this. I, as the person who has been a veteran speaker, had to put this on the line. I was afraid, of course, of whatever consequences could come, but I knew that our silence really does harm us in these moments, in these systems, in these inequalities. These unequal practices are waiting for us to be quiet, because then we are isolated.
“I had to honor myself as well as honoring others, because I’m not just speaking up for myself, I’m speaking up for any Black woman who has got less pay for doing the same work as somebody else. I did it – and the worst-case scenario, which was that I could lose money, didn’t come. I actually ended up getting more speaking engagements because I spoke up about this. It had me thinking about how, a lot of the time, we will let fear have us opt out of our best-case scenario because we’re so afraid of our worst-case scenario.”
On surrounding yourself with people who lift and inspire you
“The woman at the core of my book is my grandmother. Growing up, she was someone I modeled myself after, because she took up space without apology, she allowed herself to be celebrated, she did not walk with shame for being a Black woman, for being a Nigerian woman, an immigrant. My grandmother was this fierce fireball who was always walking with gratitude and such light. A lot of times, women are told to diminish themselves – but watching her gave me permission to be confident because I saw her being confident, so that for me was the norm. When you see people around you behave in a certain way, it normalizes that behavior. She behaved confidently, she was fiercely loving and fiercely giving, and still authentically herself – and all of that made her this full human being who walked into any room as if she owned it.”
On navigating imposter syndrome and resisting the shame of fear
“For a long time, I was afraid to call myself a writer because the title felt too ‘big’. It took me years before I could confidently say, ‘I am a writer’ and, when I did, the things I was afraid of (‘this title is big, I can now fail at it, how will I make money?’) were moved out of the way.
“You’re not weak for being afraid, you’re not somehow less than or not enough because you’re afraid. Fear as an emotion is natural – it’s just as natural as love – but the problem is that it comes with all this shame and guilt. I’m like, ‘Listen, you’re supposed to be afraid.’ Courage cannot exist without fear.”
Professional Troublemaker: The Fear-Fighter Manual is available to buy now